Poutine

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Today I found ( wrestled from my powerful wife ) some cheese curds so  I’m trying to make the Canadian classic poutine


First up I cook some bacon. It’s maple flavored so I guess it’ll be extra Canadian. Also probly extra carcinogenic, oo la la!


When ur cooking ur bacon it’s good to have a cursed crystal formation on deck for luck
Next we chop up some onions and cook them in the bacon fat. As you can see the spirits have imparted some words of wisdom through the mystical medium of onion


Next up get ur mighty spouse to cook your tots for you. Ovens are hot, safety first lads. 


Back to the gravy. Throw some noise in with the cryboys (onions). I got this bourbon cider because I’m trash ( also a cryboy )

Make sure ur tots are hot. Hallelujah hot tot. As they say in Canada ,hooty tooty !

Gravy nearly ready. You can take a break here and take a shit


SUMMONING GRAVY MASTER



THANKS GRAVY MASTER

Eggs : there not just for anus. You can put em on ur poutine


Build ur poutine. Curd those tots daddy!


Gravy. THANKS GRAVY MASTER

If this dish was a ginger singer I would call it Egg Sheeran lmfao


Finally bacon and we’re done. What a fucking mess. Belisimo!


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Shepherds Egg

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Today I had a vision. Today i will create that vision in the mortal realm.

First up i got some potatoes, and gave them a lil shave, then chopped up, like a vegetarian Sweeney Todd

potato

 

Then i buried the bodies at sea. Is this the end for our starchy heroes? Only time will tell what fate has in store for them.

 

bath time

Next up i got some onions and garlic. Imo this is as close to salad as you want to get m8s

onions

Frying those onions up. Also thats a giant spoon not a tiny frying pan and a child’s hand

onionsfry

Cooking is hard work so we took a break and ate this cake.

cake

This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs. Just kidding its meat. On drugs

meat

Added the meat and some more nonsense and did a cook .This is what we top chefs like to call pie guts

guts

Got the potatoes and mashed em up all magical with this frikken dragon butter. They call me the Greasey Gandalf, the dairy godmother, i make your buttery wishes come true son.

dragon butter

Forming the egg

mashpod

Pie guts go in the egg. ( the only phrase you’ll ever need to work in a pro kitchen environment )

fillingdamashpod

The finished Shepherds Egg, a thing of beauty soon to be ruined by mans hubris.

mashegg

I decided to try and give my egg a nice golden shell but it kind of deflated in the oven. What we have here is more a shepherds bum cheek tbh

shepherdstit

Disappointing to say the least but Weezy looks to be enjoying the taste of Shepherds Arse.

puko

Shrimp and grits

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Went out to a nice bar called The Parish in Tucson tonight and obviously ordered the shrimp and grits

 

Image

 

Check out this bollocks, a little biscuit guy made of grits ( what the heck is even grits idk ), topped off with some sea bugs and the whole lot set adrift on an ocean of cheesey nonsense.

Image

 

The whole mess was accompanied by something called collard greens, which apparently means a skillet full of bashed up cabbage.

 

Image

 

The aftermath of a 4 man blurko orgy.  I’d explain what my companions ordered but tbh they just shoved it into their wicked little face holes so fast I really didn’t have time to record it.

quick review

 

The Parish , Tucson ; v good drinks knocked out by a waistcoat wanker who’s actually p cool , food is big and v good. would recommend if you find yourself trapped in Tucson with a bunch of pigmen who want well cooked large grub and a bunch of fancy booze to swill it down with.