Shepherds Egg

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Today I had a vision. Today i will create that vision in the mortal realm.

First up i got some potatoes, and gave them a lil shave, then chopped up, like a vegetarian Sweeney Todd

potato

 

Then i buried the bodies at sea. Is this the end for our starchy heroes? Only time will tell what fate has in store for them.

 

bath time

Next up i got some onions and garlic. Imo this is as close to salad as you want to get m8s

onions

Frying those onions up. Also thats a giant spoon not a tiny frying pan and a child’s hand

onionsfry

Cooking is hard work so we took a break and ate this cake.

cake

This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs. Just kidding its meat. On drugs

meat

Added the meat and some more nonsense and did a cook .This is what we top chefs like to call pie guts

guts

Got the potatoes and mashed em up all magical with this frikken dragon butter. They call me the Greasey Gandalf, the dairy godmother, i make your buttery wishes come true son.

dragon butter

Forming the egg

mashpod

Pie guts go in the egg. ( the only phrase you’ll ever need to work in a pro kitchen environment )

fillingdamashpod

The finished Shepherds Egg, a thing of beauty soon to be ruined by mans hubris.

mashegg

I decided to try and give my egg a nice golden shell but it kind of deflated in the oven. What we have here is more a shepherds bum cheek tbh

shepherdstit

Disappointing to say the least but Weezy looks to be enjoying the taste of Shepherds Arse.

puko

Shrimp and grits

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Went out to a nice bar called The Parish in Tucson tonight and obviously ordered the shrimp and grits

 

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Check out this bollocks, a little biscuit guy made of grits ( what the heck is even grits idk ), topped off with some sea bugs and the whole lot set adrift on an ocean of cheesey nonsense.

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The whole mess was accompanied by something called collard greens, which apparently means a skillet full of bashed up cabbage.

 

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The aftermath of a 4 man blurko orgy.  I’d explain what my companions ordered but tbh they just shoved it into their wicked little face holes so fast I really didn’t have time to record it.

quick review

 

The Parish , Tucson ; v good drinks knocked out by a waistcoat wanker who’s actually p cool , food is big and v good. would recommend if you find yourself trapped in Tucson with a bunch of pigmen who want well cooked large grub and a bunch of fancy booze to swill it down with. 

 

 

Corndogs

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Check out this monstrosity I found lurking in the freezer!

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Having decided I haven’t eaten nearly enough frikken dirt today, these horrors are consigned straight to microwave hades where they will spend a short but painful time before descending to the final circle of hell, aka me awful guts.

 

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I make no pretense at this being a fancy food blog but I have gone gourmet as heck on these rude sausages.  Observe the subtle blending of sugary tomato bash up and yellow dirt paste. Très bon!

 

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One bite in and I’m already in processed meat heaven. In my mind this is what eating a human dick wrapped in carpet underlay would be like. ( full review of that in a future food blog post maybe )

Sandwich

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My lovely wife just got home from court so I thought I’d treat her to a v romantic lunch.  Scouring the kitchen I came across this magical parcel of wonderment.

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A half eaten sandwich from last night. Obviously I only just decided to become a food blogger this morning and i was too muffed up on cheap white wine to write last night anyway, so don’t try finding a previous review of it.

Let’s open her up

 

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Beautiful!  It appears to be bacon and green stuff, me wifes fav. Before we destroy this bready bastard, lets take a closer look all up in his guts shall we?

 

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BLURKO!

 

We bashed this frikken salad guts goon in half and ate him all up.

 

quick review

Bacon  :  Greasy

Salad   :  Greasy

Bread  :  Greasy

BLURKO

Wife     :  Greasy

 

 

Oatmeal

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Babby wanted breakfast and it was a choice between scooping peanut butter from the jar with dirty paws or cooking up this box of frikken dirt

 

Wrong choices were made.

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PSA : This grinning goon on the packet is what you look like after eating this sugary bollocks I think.

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Et voilà.  Beige slime sadness served in a p cute bowl that probably tastes better than the contents.

While my breakfast companion seemed to enjoy it, I opted for 4 cigarettes and a glass of water

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An American classic