Corndogs

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Check out this monstrosity I found lurking in the freezer!

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Having decided I haven’t eaten nearly enough frikken dirt today, these horrors are consigned straight to microwave hades where they will spend a short but painful time before descending to the final circle of hell, aka me awful guts.

 

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I make no pretense at this being a fancy food blog but I have gone gourmet as heck on these rude sausages.  Observe the subtle blending of sugary tomato bash up and yellow dirt paste. Très bon!

 

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One bite in and I’m already in processed meat heaven. In my mind this is what eating a human dick wrapped in carpet underlay would be like. ( full review of that in a future food blog post maybe )

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Sandwich

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My lovely wife just got home from court so I thought I’d treat her to a v romantic lunch.  Scouring the kitchen I came across this magical parcel of wonderment.

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A half eaten sandwich from last night. Obviously I only just decided to become a food blogger this morning and i was too muffed up on cheap white wine to write last night anyway, so don’t try finding a previous review of it.

Let’s open her up

 

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Beautiful!  It appears to be bacon and green stuff, me wifes fav. Before we destroy this bready bastard, lets take a closer look all up in his guts shall we?

 

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BLURKO!

 

We bashed this frikken salad guts goon in half and ate him all up.

 

quick review

Bacon  :  Greasy

Salad   :  Greasy

Bread  :  Greasy

BLURKO

Wife     :  Greasy

 

 

Oatmeal

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Babby wanted breakfast and it was a choice between scooping peanut butter from the jar with dirty paws or cooking up this box of frikken dirt

 

Wrong choices were made.

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PSA : This grinning goon on the packet is what you look like after eating this sugary bollocks I think.

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Et voilà.  Beige slime sadness served in a p cute bowl that probably tastes better than the contents.

While my breakfast companion seemed to enjoy it, I opted for 4 cigarettes and a glass of water

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An American classic